Wonk, Wonk, Wonk- How to Train Your Kids to Ignore You by Carrie Lauth
It started with a trip to the grocery store. While I waited for the cashier
to ring up my items, a mother behind me was delivering a soliloquy (only she
didn't recognize it as such!).
"Suzy, you're not going to take that home."
"Suzy, you can carry that around but I'm not buying that."
"Suzy, you've been naughty. Why should I buy that for you?"
"Suzy, put that away. I'm not paying for it."
"suzy, everyone is looking at how much trouble you're causing."
And on and on and on...
I was so thankful when the cashier gave me my total. I was tired of
this woman blathering on and I don't have to live with her! Poor Suzy.
She is being trained to ignore her Mother. The more Mom talks, the less
she hears.
Mom needs to learn rule number one:
Less Talk, More Action
Remember the Peanuts cartoons? When one of the adults spoke, all the
kids heard was "wonkwonkwonkwonk". The more you lecture, threaten,
warn, count to 3, etc... the less your child listens. Stop diluting
your effectiveness as a parent with these non-actions. Use natural
consequences as often as possible, and deliver the consequence calmly
and swiftly. For example:
If your two year old won't stop running into the street, clearly
explain to her that if she does it, she will be taken inside for the
day. Then, when she does it (and she will, of course, cute little
Scientist that she is!), calmly and without fanfare, escort her inside.
Don't give her warnings or "another chance".
Toddlers and young kids don't understand an abstract concept like
getting hit by a car... something they've never seen, felt or tasted.
So talking about it until you're blue in the face is unlikely to do any
good.
But what they DO understand is cause and effect. "If I do "X", then
Mommy does "X"....EVERY TIME. Even young babies learn this. Ever
noticed how excited your baby gets right before you feed him? He's
learned that when you hold him a certain way, food is forthcoming. Our
kids are smarter than we think sometimes.
Another example: Two siblings are fighting about a toy. Don't waste
your time trying to figure out who is in the wrong, it's virtually
impossible and just encourages tattling. The children will learn how to
work out their own negotiations if involving the parent means
unpleasantness. The toy is put up for a period of time. End of story.
Toy squabbles will dramatically decrease almost magically!
Let Your Yes Mean Yes & Your No, No
Do what you say you will do. If you tell your child that acting up in
the grocery store means no cookie from the bakery at the end of the
trip, MEAN it. I'll never forget the look on my 2 year old daughter's
face as she watched her brothers eat huge chocolate chip cookies while
she went empty handed! Few things impress a young child more than you
holding to your words, calmly and without a lot of emotion (that just
makes you look like an idiot). Children don't respect you if you are
always swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Decide what's important
to you and expect those limits to be respected.
This rule makes parenting so much easier because your kids will stop
testing you so much, which is just their way of saying "Do you really
mean it?".
The flip side of this is that when you promise something positive, you
had better make good on it! If you do this, your children will learn
that you mean what you say.
Carrie Lauth is a homeschooling Mom of 4. For more positive parenting and discipline tips,
visit http://www.natural-moms.com/Parenting_positive_discipline.html
Article Source: http://www.ladypens.com