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why?..

do people feel like they have to lie?

3 months ago the lady that cleans my house told me she had to stop because her mother took ill and she would have to do some other sort of work and take care of her.  It was pretty abrupt but I took it at face value - no reason not to. I liked her and I thought she liked me fine.  I always kept my 6 dogs out in the garage with me so that the weren't in the way.

Today I went to Walgreens to get shoe laces (which they didn't have anyway), and saw her picking up her cleaning partner right there in the parking lot.  They were far enough away that she may not have seen me, but I sure saw her and I was dumbfounded!  She obviously just didn't want to tell me she didn't wish to clean my house any longer.  I'm a bit angry and hurt by it but I'll get over it.  I feel like calling her and asking her why she didn't have the guts to tell me the truth?! But I'll just let it go.  Good thing I didn't tip her out that last time like I was going to as I felt bad for her having to stop and care for her mother...I would have been REALLY peeved if I had done that.

I can't really afford to have someone new clean for me. Have to watch where the money goes these days with all the uncertainty in the financial market...but it is tough keeping up with all the dog fur and dander that gets on the floor. I've been keeping up fairly well but really hate cleaning. I know there are some who really like it! I really like how it looks afterwards all clean without dog hair all over the rugs but it just doesn't last long.

Oh well..how did I get where I am today anyway?..This is not where I wanted to be by this stage of my life.  I mean I'm fine with where I live, just not my state of financial NOT well being. The debts are racked up, feel like I'm just working to pay the bills....and have for years...and continue to think this negative mantra....'I'll just have to work until the day I die'.   I just hope that I won't have to WORK in heaven (praying that is where I end up).

I thought by now I'd be comfortably set finanically, with some money in savings and mutual funds and the only debts being a mortgage and maybe a car payment and a visa or two (that get paid off monthly).

I suppose getting married and divorced so many times didn't help that game plan out any, but I never did marry men of wealth or of wealthy means.  I have always been the one to carry the load and I guess it was just meant to be.  We are always told we are only handed what we can take and so I guess I must be able to take a lot!

I know there are many who have it way worse than I. I feel guilty sometimes when I start having pity on myself but not today - today is one of those days where I think, when will I not have to think about money all the time?  

Yesterday was our 9 year wedding anniversary and we planned to go to Vegas for our 10th as that is where we got married. I don't see that happening.  We won't be any more out of debt and I won't want to go any more INTO it just to go there. Boarding the dogs alone will cost hundreds..if not over a thousand! 

Well...I'm going to get started on my work day. Complaint blog out... 

 

..yesterday..

I know I cut my entry short yesterday but I got a call from a old co-worker who was lucky enough to retire from this mortgage industry back in November before all the spiraling got terribly bad.  We chatted for a while and I knew after that I'd have to get back to work, so I just cut my entry short.

I did get treated to dinner by my folks and we tried out the new Montana Mike's here in town.  The filet was full of gristle and after 3 bites my hub pushed his plate away.  They ended up taking it off our bill.  The rest of us fared better but even my beef tips were tough - more like the beef used for stewing that gets softer when you cook it ALL DAY in a crock pot.  The atmosphere was nice and my beer went down smoothly and I didn't have to pay the bill, so it was still a pleasant birthday dinner. The waitress forgot to bring a cake for me even though my mom asked at the host (I saw her).  She was mad but I really didn't want any fuss over that and even told them that when we picked the folks up for dinner.

I got a few hilarious cards from my daughters, poking fun at me about my age...You're HOW OLD???, and a few nice gifts from family as well.

But I have to say the card my mother got had some of the best words I ever read, so good in fact that I could have seen them written by myself    They fit me to a tee...so I'm going to write here what the verse said..

Today, in the midst of your busy life, may you have at least one moment to sit back and relax -- when you don't have to do anything or be anywhere in particular...May you have a moment to reflect on the past year and all you've accomplished and to look forward to all that may be waiting for you in the year ahead...   But mostly, in that moment, may you realize here and now what a gift your life is-- not just to you but to everyone who knows you--and how wonderful it is to have you for a daughter. 

Aren't those some of the most touching words you ever read?!!  Great card mom! I really don't ever stop and think I'm really making a difference in the world. But I guess to my hub and my folks and my daughters and maybe even some of my colleagues I do at least leave some impression, influence, humor...SOMETHING!  So good to remember that when I get all busy with work and worry about bills and how the next several years are going to go with the other one about to go to college...

I know the thing to do is to put it in God's hands..but of course it IS already in his hands.  Just doesn't mean it won't be in my head nearly every day.  Can't help it.  I'm a thinker. That is what I do.

Well, I am going to have to get started work as I see I have files to do.  Will come back soon..

 

Happy Birthday to me...

...my own hub forgot to say Happy Birthday to me before he left this morning. Oh well, at my age who's counting? ME, that's who!  LOL

Oh I got my supply of Scoopies for us to sell at http://www.partypetshop.com  They are really cool and they are biodegradable in 18 months. PooF !  Go green!  I'm going to use them myself and thought about saving one in a bucket in the back for 18 months to see if it really did disintegrate..but I think not.  :)

Okay, I NEVER watch CNN but that's all I have on now during the day while I'm working.  Concerned over the whole financial sector not to mention my job has got me watching.  I'm a little surprised that even though AIG is being bailed out, the dow keeps going down today.  The stockholders need to start being optomistic so that the market doesn't keep dropping.

I'll write more later...bye.. 

 

 

 

Things...

...I am very grateful for....

My Family, the fact that I still have my job woking at home, the fact that the worst we may get from Ike is winds 25-30 mph..may not even get a drop of rain! 

Also grateful for my health which as best I can tell is pretty good. I didn't get the blood tests the doc I went to in the Spring wanted me to yet. I'm not interested in paying for a series of blood work that won't be covered by my insurance.  I got the whole blood testing done in 2000 and everything was fine.  I figure in 10 years from that time it will be time to get them again. I do keep up with mammo and pap once a year or yr + a few months. But that's it.

Speaking of health, I am grateful it seems my knee is on the mends as it doesn't bother me much at all any more.  I still think the OMNI4 with glucosamine vitamins is what is really helping.  I had ran out of it for a week and a half and finally broke down and got a 2 month supply (it is extremely expensive), and now that I've been back on them for over a week, like I said hardly anything any more and I can also do my exercising again.

Things I am not happy with right now...

things are breaking that we just got new since we moved here! I realize things will be needed now and then, like we finally broke down and got a new garage door a few months ago, but I'm talking about things we bought since moving here!  We bought a brand new fridge and the ice maker has jammed up too many times.  The last time the water froze on the back wall of the freezer and that was a real PAIN to clean.  I was going to call for service (we had a warranty and of course like many others, just forgot about having them come out once a year for maintenance), but our warranty has now expired.  We simply turned the ice maker off and are just using ice trays. But this thing was not cheap and is only 3 years old!  Shouldn't have any issues with it yet.

We also got a new complete  central A/C system for the 1st floor and it was acting up the last few days. I put a new air filter in it hoping that was the problem (the old one was pretty clogged up), but last night we had it on and it was taking more than 2 hrs to move a few degrees....hub went out to have a smoke and heard it making horrible noise outside at the unit that is by the house. So I ran in and turned it off.  That is only 2 YEARS old....and again should be no problems yet!  Since it may still be hot for a while, I will probably call them and have them at least give me an idea of how much it would be to fix it.  It may have to be fixed anyway as one control works the heat and air. We will need to use the heat at least a little in a few months.

In the meantime we would have used the ceiling fan that is in the living room but THAT broke a few months ago too (that was not new but rather came with the house).

Also...not happy with amount of debt have now. It isn't like I'm running out shopping at the malls or anything like that! But college tuition come up, daughter needed a new laptop, etc. In fact I think we had to charge some of that A/C that was installed 2 years ago too. Things keep adding up and up and I hate that I can't pay much more than the minimum payment.  With the uncertainty of my job I have to try to put some aside in case we really need it. 

Had a decent cushion before moving Wood Stock but that is gone.  POOF.

Also..not happy hub couldn't sell his truck.  He's not going any lower on the price so he'll just keep it. It is just that it would have given us (if he got his price), a few months rent padding for the store.  Now we don't have that.  When we first opened up last month, seemed to be getting some steady sales and now it seems to be a lot of lookers now.

Well I 'm going to start doing some cleaning here as my other daughter, boyfriend and furkid may be down to visit this weekend - probably tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

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